christ on a cupcake, it’s been eighteen months since my last blog… and these are my confessions. i’m not sure i’ll discuss food in this post, food for thought, yes. OK maybe i’ll get to my gardening, which i’m digging majorly by the way. i haven’t produced enough to warrant canning of any sort, but perhaps next year. at this point i’m consuming all that i grow, cooking it into sauces and fresh salsas and gifting friends. it brings me smiles. many things do, even after they’ve ended, and that brings me to my musings today. i continue to date, post divorce, and i’m two years in at this point! oh the fun i’ve had! i’ve gotten my heart broken a few times, one in particular left a scar i still trace my finger along from time to time. tis life… and it is what it was. or so that’s what he says.
these days i’m manifesting something compatible, with some light, feel good, easy vibes… and slowly. it literally almost feels TOO easy… which ironically was what i’ve been praying for. it’s new for me, indeed. i like it. that being said, i’m paying close attention to my head and heart, and certain emotions that sometimes get the best of me. i’ve owned up to some lingering feelings – and i’m slowly closing some doors, even if only an inch at a time. it’s the pace my heart can handle right now, even though my head is being super bossy and always reminds me of why i needed to detour in the first place. i’m embracing the pace yo. sometimes love has a way of putting people on a pedestal, one even higher than they may place themselves… and perhaps forever there they’ll live… idyllically high, even when you’ve witnessed their repeated falls from grace. the beauty lies in successfully awakening to your self worth, and loving yourself enough to do the right thing – even when it stings like a mother.
my journey has been interesting, that’s for sure… two years in and continually learning each day. i build and grow off of the lows, ride the highs until the wheels fall off, and then log the lessons in my mental and physical journals. i could seriously write a book. i’ve realized it takes about 7 dates to begin to see someone’s true colors. which is usually about when i duck out it seems! bible: everyone is on their best behavior dates 1 to 4. i’ve remained friends with so many, it’s beginning to be my personal joke. those fellas, and they know who they are… still text me, send pics, still joke, ask after me on a regular, and still respect my advice on many things including their lady troubles! i love it. they’re my tribe. we shared a genuine connection, and just because it didn’t work out for whatever reason, we both still enjoyed the friend vibe greatly and held that shit near and dear! friends are such a gift. i don’t trust people who have no friends. there’s usually a reason. life doesn’t always allow for the social life we all dream up in our heads, but i can say for sure that i have a whole handful of girlfriends and guy friends that i could ask for darn near anything and they’d be there in my time of need. that is ‘blessed’ my friends. when you put yourself out there, heart on your sleeve, vibes raw and unapologetic… you’ll be shocked at what you can manifest. for anyone who is just breaking into the dating scene, or who’s been out of it for a spell and thinking of hopping back in… my free advice to you: be yourself. don’t make excuses. put in the time, even when you’re exhausted. be honest, even when it hurts. don’t settle. ever. guard your heart, but don’t build walls around it. let it out to play on a regular basis, and get good at repairing it. pick up a mate that enjoys many of the same things as you, but still can pull you out of your comfort zone and make you squirm sometimes. trust your gut. don’t try to change or fix people. they’re perfect for someone else… just not you. hahaha!! listen to what they aren’t saying… and hear that shiz. don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. fall madly in love with yourself first… otherwise that door is locked to someone else. as soon as you feel a connection, buy small thoughtful gifts, consistently. say i miss you if you do. men are born to pursue women, let them. journal… you’ll forget mishaps and the fucked up shit people will do… but the journal will remind you.
they say there’s a lid for every pot. i’m ready to cook up something wonderful and everlasting over a slow and low heat. no more flash searing and ending up burned. hell, i’m a seasoned chef at this point. i know my recipe for success and it’s been tweaked and revised over the past two years. the joy of cooking! let’s eat!
peace and love. spags.
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