Hotbox Hipster

a pittsburgh hippie chick's unbridled love for all things food related



heartstrings and hamstrings and the feels in between…


christ on a cupcake, it’s been eighteen months since my last blog… and these are my confessions.  i’m not sure i’ll discuss food in this post, food for thought, yes.  OK maybe i’ll get to my gardening, which i’m digging majorly by the way.  i haven’t produced enough to warrant canning of any sort, but perhaps next year.   at this point i’m consuming all that i grow, cooking it into sauces and fresh salsas and gifting friends.   it brings me smiles.  many things do, even after they’ve ended, and that brings me to my musings today.  i continue to date, post divorce, and i’m two years in at this point!  oh the fun i’ve had!  i’ve gotten my heart broken a few times, one in particular left a scar i still trace my finger along from time to time.  tis life… and it is what it was.  or so that’s what he says.

these days i’m manifesting something compatible, with some light, feel good, easy vibes…  and slowly.  it literally almost feels TOO easy… which ironically was what i’ve been praying for.  it’s new for me, indeed.  i like it.  that being said,  i’m paying close attention to my head and heart, and certain emotions that sometimes get the best of me.  i’ve owned up to some lingering feelings – and i’m slowly closing some doors, even if only an inch at a time.  it’s the pace my heart can handle right now, even though my head is being super bossy and always reminds me of why i needed to detour in the first place.  i’m embracing the pace yo.  sometimes love has a way of putting people on a pedestal, one even higher than they may place themselves… and perhaps forever there they’ll live… idyllically high,  even when you’ve witnessed their repeated falls from grace.   the beauty lies in successfully awakening to your self worth, and loving yourself enough to do the right thing – even when it stings like a mother.

my journey has been interesting, that’s for sure… two years in and continually learning each day.  i build and grow off of the lows,  ride the highs until the wheels fall off, and then log the lessons in my mental and physical journals.  i could seriously write a book.  i’ve realized it takes about 7 dates to begin to see someone’s true colors.  which is usually about when i duck out it seems!  bible: everyone is on their best behavior dates 1 to 4.  i’ve remained friends with so many,  it’s beginning to be my personal joke.  those fellas, and they know who they are… still text me, send pics, still joke, ask after me on a regular, and still respect my advice on many things including their lady troubles!  i love it.  they’re my tribe.  we shared a genuine connection, and just because it didn’t work out for whatever reason, we both still enjoyed the friend vibe greatly and held that shit near and dear! friends are such a gift.  i don’t trust people who have no friends.  there’s usually a reason.  life doesn’t always allow for the social life we all dream up in our heads,  but i can say for sure that i have a whole handful of girlfriends and guy friends that i could ask for darn near anything and they’d be there in my time of need.   that is ‘blessed’ my friends.  when you put yourself out there,  heart on your sleeve, vibes raw and unapologetic… you’ll be shocked at what you can manifest.  for anyone who is just breaking into the dating scene, or who’s been out of it for a spell and thinking of hopping back in… my free advice to you:  be yourself.  don’t make excuses.  put in the time, even when you’re exhausted.  be honest, even when it hurts.  don’t settle.  ever.  guard your heart, but don’t build walls around it.  let it out to play on a regular basis, and get good at repairing it.  pick up a mate that enjoys many of the same things as you, but still can pull you out of your comfort zone and make you squirm sometimes.  trust your gut.  don’t try to change or fix people.  they’re perfect for someone else… just not you.  hahaha!!  listen to what they aren’t saying… and hear that shiz.  don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.  fall madly in love with yourself first… otherwise that door is locked to someone else.  as soon as you feel a connection,  buy small thoughtful gifts, consistently.  say i miss you if you do.   men are born to pursue women, let them.  journal… you’ll forget mishaps and the fucked up shit people will do… but the journal will remind you.

they say there’s a lid for every pot.  i’m ready to cook up something wonderful  and everlasting over a slow and low heat.   no more flash searing and ending up burned.  hell, i’m a seasoned chef at this point.  i know my recipe for success and it’s been tweaked and revised over the past two years.  the joy of cooking!  let’s eat!


peace and love.  spags.


so i go through spurts where i plug through a span of days taking care of business, nose to the grind (ok i lied, those words have never been used to describe me) and in general ‘making it happen.’  — i’m getting my 7-8 hours of sleep, i’m packing lunches, i’m sipping coffee, i’m feeding my family, i’m working on my body, laundry,  ironing, dusting, vacuuming, organizing, homework, tending the tots… wake up next day, repeat.  you feel me.  ……and then i will have these days…. these lovely transcendental days… where all my mind wants to do is think about WHY…. yes why….and wonder… how….  and swim in my intuition… and realize how in charge of my life and my thoughts i really am… and find connections in how i got to my ‘here and now’…  and i think about, without that, not this… and if not this… then that…. and well, today is one of those days…. and on days like these… not much gets done (in the way of tasks, etc)  because it is a most delicious place to be in… and i have a hard time unfocusing my mind and my SELF to become again alert to less meaningful activity.  have i lost anyone yet??  anyway… this is the part of me that loves to write and create and.  just.  be.  sadly, this is a part of me that many others never get to meet.  my co-workers? never.  being a nurse requires critical thinking and continuous interruption of thought as a rule.  discussions are scientific, as they should be when focusing on physical medicine, especially in an emergency medicine type setting.  my friends?  maybe a smidge.  even in the best scenario, ie: a quiet dinner over drinks, where discussions can flow and evolve… interruptions exist. our phones, the food, time constraints, things you hold back saying, counter opinions, a loss for words.  even some of the best philosophical conversations i’ve had with others, were mediocre at best.  sometimes i think booze or drugs could help elicit a response… an openness… a lovely path upon which the conversation can bounce and bumble and frolic….  and ripen.  even with this goal in mind, both have at times left me a blubbering mess, incapable of a clear thought. lol. it’s a fine line… one i tend to have trouble walking and balancing on.  my family? again, a smidge.  some reading this will assume transparency where husband and wife are concerned… but i can assure you, such is not the case.  although i have had the quintessential words uttered to me (on numerous occasions) “i know you better than you know yourself”… which i always laugh at hysterically.   the human mind is a miracle unto itself… and a proclaimation like that… well, i would never claim such a feat.  there are things about my spouse i would never even pretend to understand, reaching far into the psychological aspects of parenting and his childhood… analysis far outreaching my capabilities.   my point in all of this??  if clarity is even seldom found amongst ourselves, in our own minds, with our own private knowledge… HOW can we ever expect others to see who we really are?  inside each of us is a gem.  a precious gem.  we can choose to polish it, or chip away at it… both of which others get to see from time to time as they catch a glimpse of our gems in living our lives…  when others see your gem, will they smile at its shine, will they envy its beauty,  will they sadden at its cracks, look away from its blackness,  grab a cloth and help polish, or grab a hammer and help destroy?  (damn that was good, i should write that shit down and publish it!!!!)  (goodness i wish the right person would discover me one day and get me the hell out of medicine. lol.)  a while back, i read a portion of a blog article on success in life, and key ideas for happiness as a way of life… you feel me.  well, a portion of this article never left me, and i use its concepts often in my daily life.   here it is:

Gratitude and Appreciation as a Secret for Success by Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America’s #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success.

The best attitude you can possibly aspire to express year-round is one of gratitude and appreciation.
Being truly grateful for what is already present in your life will automatically and effortlessly attract more good into your life.
Make a conscious decision to appreciate and acknowledge all that you have already been blessed with. These emotions are of the highest vibrational frequency, and through the Law of Attraction they will attract even more to be thankful for.
Try to be grateful for even the difficult and challenging situations that arise in your life.
It is often through these situations, that we experience the most profound spiritual and emotional growth. You can learn to view each apparent obstacle as an opportunity to develop a new quality, strength, skill, insight or wisdom and be grateful for the lessons. Each challenge is an opportunity for growth and expansion.
Rise to these occasions, and appreciate all that you are learning in the process. Keeping your attitude positive and appreciative through these times will not only help to avoid attracting more of these difficult situations into your life – it will also create a field of positive energy that will attract more of what you do want.
“Of all the attitudes we can acquire, surely
the attitude of gratitude is the most important,
and by far the most life-changing.”
– Zig Ziglar

A Token of Gratitude
Try carrying a small token, stone, crystal, or some other meaningful object with you each day in your pocket. Throughout the day, each time you reach into your pocket for your money or keys it will serve as a tangible reminder to stop and think of something you have to be grateful for. This is a great way to increase your awareness of all that you have to be appreciative of.
Take a moment to breathe, and really feel the emotion of gratitude. This simple mindfulness technique helps to raise your vibrational frequency and keep you in a state of constant gratitude.

Your Gratitude Journal
Start keeping a daily Gratitude and Acknowledgement journal. This is a necessary and valuable tool in the development of your growth and awareness. This book is not intended to be a long, drawn out “diary” sort of thing, just a short, simple list of things you are grateful for on that particular day. This is a place to honor and appreciate the good in your life.

Each evening, before going to bed, take a few minutes to review your day. Think about the day’s events. Become aware of how many good things actually happened on that day, and remember to appreciate even the challenges that you encountered. Select the five things, or people, or events that you are most grateful for. There is no right or wrong here, just whatever, or whoever you are sincerely grateful for on that particular day. It may be the warm sun on your face, a cool breeze, a kind word, a friend, or just feeling good about what you got accomplished that day. It may be the way you handled a particular situation that would have thrown you into a tailspin in the past.
Anything you are grateful for. As you write them in your journal, feel the gratitude and appreciation. Give thanks.

Take a moment to acknowledge the changes that are occurring for you personally. Write them down. Acknowledge just how well the Law of Attraction is working in your life. Write down any specific event where the Law of Attraction was at work- the parking space you envisioned, the meeting you wanted to schedule, the bonus check you received, the grade you wanted, the person who said yes when you asked them out.
Miracles can and do occur on a daily basis. They are happening all around you. Honor them, and notice them. Through acknowledgement, you will become more and more aware of the amazing synchronicity that is already at work in your life.
Make the time you spend in contemplation and writing in your Gratitude and Acknowledgement journal a sacred part of your daily routine.
Your continued expressions of joy and gratitude will draw even greater joy, love and abundance into your life.
You will begin to notice a change in your perception of each day‘s events. You will become more aware of the positive things that happen all around you every single day. Your focus will shift, your energy will shift, and you will begin to appreciate how blessed you already are. And … the Law of Attraction will respond to the higher vibration you are creating.
Enjoy the journey.
Live each day in joy and gratitude.

good stuff. believe me when i tell you… it’s all true.  i’m living it.  it works dude.  give it a shot… what do you have to lose? other than negativity maybe.  so the title of my blog is something i’ve been looking into more recently.  the concept of synchronicity.  first introduced in the 50’s by psychologist Carl Jung.  talks about ‘meaningful coincidences’.   cliff notes version: in my own words-  tells us that life is not a series of random events, but each of us holds power and insight to express and create order in our lives… a spiritual awakening- by simply being mindful more times than not…  of events and ideas and objects around us.  this higher awareness in turn can have an avalanche effect on other parts of our lives… seemingly unrelated, but in fact… meaningful.  to the average person, it sounds like a crock of bullshit, but to me… i find this kind of thing absolutely intriguing.   obviously i’m not the only one… for there are too numerous to count articles on this subject… and leading into Buddhist principles and zen masters teachings… one could get lost in the beauty.  in fact, this whole thing has been compared to the Buddhist principle of  ‘pratityasamutpada’… (don’t ask me to pronounce it)… think Karma… think ‘this is, because that is’… etc.

wikipedia tells us a bit about it (that long word above) through a translation by Thich Nhat Hanh (a famous Zen master) :  ‘~In the sutras, this image is given: “Three cut reeds can stand only by leaning on one another. If you take one away, the other two will fall.”  For a table to exist, we need wood, a carpenter, time, skillfulness, and many other causes. And each of these causes needs other causes to be. The wood needs the forest, the sunshine, the rain, and so on. The carpenter needs his parents, breakfast, fresh air, and so on. And each of those things, in turn, has to be brought about by other causes and conditions. If we continue to look in this way, we’ll see that nothing has been left out. Everything in the cosmos has come together to bring us this table. Looking deeply at the sunshine, the leaves of the tree, and the clouds, we can see the table. The one can be seen in the all, and the all can be seen in the one.’

i dig it yo… i could spend hours on this stuff… well, i just did.   become present.  love your life and live your life. 

peace and love yo.

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